“Why do my parents hate me?” is one of the most common questions that arise in the mind of most of the children. This era consists of digital media. No matter what search engine you use, this question has been already searched countless times, whether by children or even parents to better understand their kids and their emotions.
‘Perfect parents’ don’t exist, but ‘horrible parents’ do exist. So where is the fine line between both of the terms? Your actions and attitude may raise the question in your children “Why do my parents hate me?”.
Parents may think that they are doing all the right things and that this question can never arise in their child’s mind. But we must understand that children are very sensitive when it comes to their emotions. They need constant reassurance and validation. Any misbehavior may cause cracks in the parent-child bond.
So if you are a child who wants to know the reasons for your parent’s behavior, or if you are even a parent who wants to improve and be a better person for their child, here are the factors that can help you answer this question.
Why do my parents hate me? They don’t accept me for who I am
The foremost principle of parenting is to love your children unconditionally. Parents often blame children for things that aren’t their fault. For example, sexuality, gender, and mental illnesses. Parents must realize that their child must be accepted for who they are, and must be let know that they love their children regardless and support them.
Why do my parents hate me? They never show me they love me
How can parents expect their children to not feel that they hate them when they don’t even express their love for them?
Being insensitive always makes children feel that they aren’t worthy of love. Parents must make sure that they are expressive when it comes to loving their children.
Why do my parents hate me? They force their values on me
A parent must never force their standards on their child. Just because a child doesn’t like the things that their parent likes, it doesn’t mean the parent failed. It just means that their child is unique!
If you fight their choices and interests and want them to think and act the way you do, you may risk making children feel like you hate them. It, in turn, leads to their self-esteem issues. “Better to have children who dress weird but feel parental love, than a well-dressed child who feels hated.”
Why do my parents hate me? They keep confiscating my phone/game
Parents, many times, seize their child’s favorite things to punish them for something. They feel like doing so may make them realize their fault and respect their parents, but that is not true. In psychological terms, seizing children’s electronic connection to their peers is more or less, putting them in solitary confinement in a time of their life when a connection to peers is important.
To a teen, only hatred could be a factor that encourages a parent to do such an act. Parents must enforce family rules with logical consequences instead of punitive measures.
Also Read: What To Teach a 5 Year Old Kid?
Why do my parents hate me? They fight too much
It is okay to have issues in your relationship but it must be solved internally without its after-effects being projected on children. When parents fight in front of their children, they leave them at high risk for many mental illnesses and effects such as:
- Anxiety disorders
- Social anxiety
- Bipolar disorder
- Feeling that parents hate them
Why do my parents hate me? They label me things and insult me
“You look ugly in these clothes”
“Why are you so lazy? Why are you so useless?”
“You’re always ruining things for everyone”
“Wish you weren’t born”
Saying things like this to a child is never okay. It is straight-up abusive. It may make parents feel a bit better for the moment when they let off some steam, but it results in grave effects on a child’s mind.
Disrespecting a child is never the right thing to do and parents must keep their ego and anger in check.
Also Read: How To Raise Your First Child?
Why do my parents hate me? They don’t let me see my friends
It is natural for parents to worry about their child and their company, but it does not give them the right to confine their children and restrict them from socializing. They need to learn to trust their children as they go through the various phases of life and mature themselves.
In adolescence, parents must stop dictating their children and be there for them while letting them make the decisions they are supposed to make themselves.
Why do my parents hate me? They don’t appreciate any of my efforts
Praising your child’s good efforts are vital in parenting. Not appreciating what your child accomplishes, results in them feeling that they aren’t liked by their parents.
Why do my parents hate me? They pressurize me too much
Parents can often have unreasonably high expectations from their children, and for them to accomplish that, parents think that pushing or pressurizing them will make them accomplish it. This may work for a very few kids, and it usually ends up in demoralizing the child and making them lose trust in themselves.
Why do my parents hate me? They compare me to others
Comparing your children to other children is never okay. It makes them feel like their parents don’t love them for who they are. Children must be let to grow at their own pace, to experience the world on their own, and to learn from their mistakes.
Also Read: What Do Kids Want From Their Parents?
Why do my parents hate me? They don’t value my opinion
Children are human beings too. And just like any other human being, they have the right to express their opinion. Parents must make sure that they value their opinion even if they don’t agree with it if they don’t want to make their children feel unlovable.
Psychological issues with parents
There are a number of serious issues with parents too that causes them to have issues with loving their child. These problems must be addressed and solved as soon as possible. Some of the reasons are:
- Serious relationship issues with their partner
- Accidental birth
- Having children due to pressure from peers
- Not being ready to have children but have them anyway
- Mental illnesses like depression
- Alcohol addiction; Excessive drinking
Also Read: Are You Ready To Have a Baby?
You can get better if you are an abusive parent
If you have been unfair to your child in ways that you only realize now, you can always strive to get better and you will. Knowing all of these factors you can improve your bond with your child. Apologizing would be a very good start.
You can heal if you are a child with an abusive parent
Remember that you can always recover from the injustice done to you. There will come a time when you won’t have to seek approval from your abusive parent and you can be whoever you want to. If you are currently living with a difficult parent, here are some of the things that can help you out:
- Stay calm
- Try to accept your situation
- Never retaliate, it will result in more chaos
- Look to the future with hope
- Believe in yourself
- Talk to someone you trust
- Look after yourself
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do my parents hate me?
Mistreatment at the hands of people who are supposed to be your number one caretakers and supporters could lead to disillusionment. You might find internally asking yourself the same question over and over again: why do my parents hate me?
The possible answers to this can greatly vary, as a plethora of reasons are capable of straining the parent-child relationship. The following are some of them:
- Accidental conception
- Disobedience on your part
- Tight work schedule
- Great workload
- Conflict in natures/demeanor
- Psychological problems
What should I do if my parents hate me?
While there does not exist a guaranteed solution to the problem due to its nature, successfully indentifying the cause of it could help you improvise. You could, however, get some idea from the following strategies:
- If you have figured out a certain thing about you that your parents have trouble tolerating, and if you could change it without majorly compromising your individuality, start from there.
- Often times parents who disapprove of their child’s occupational or educational choices express it through being distance and cold treatment. If you cannot comply with your parents’ wishes in this regard, try working hard and succeeding at whatever you do.
- Maintain distance. If you cannot escape their presence, try to minimize interaction as much as you can. Avoid needlessly asking them for things as it could trigger unnecessary jeering and jabbing. Instead, find your own social setting that you feel comfortable in and try to remain in it for long periods.
- If their aversion is a result of envy because of your better lifestyle and success, try helping them out. Ask them if you could be of help and assure them that you would be at their disposal.
- Urge them to seek psychological help. Various mental health issues could make a person act in anti social and horrible ways towards others. If your parents are mentally distressed, convince them to see a counselor. If you are of the age, it would not hurt to take matters into your own hands and book your parents an appointment.
- Have the talk. Awkward silences are almost a given, but you might end up successfully expressing your feelings to your parents. Tell them that their treatment of you has not been fair. Try to reason with them. Assert your point of view, but also remain receptive to theirs. You could also ask them about reasons and try to make changes to what they deem objectionable.
- Since you cannot always come up with a viable solution, do not lose heart. Share your struggles with friends or people who truly look out for you. Be patient and wait till you are able to live on your own. It certainly is not easy, but sometimes the reward makes up for all the hardships. Hang in there.